What are the symptoms of FDS or Feis Dad Syndrome?
Here are ten signs you might have FDS.
1. Have you recently pulled out your wallet to buy something you really wanted like that new fly fishing rod, a cold beer or the copay for the heart bypass surgery you’ve been needing, only to find there are cobwebs where your money used to be? You have a faint recollection of handing out stacks of twenty’s for your daughter’s solo dress a few months ago that she’s now outgrown.
2. The instant you hear accordion music, do you dive for your noise canceling headphones?
3. You have always thought sequins and garish dresses in neon colors were hideous. Now that your daughter is wearing one, you think they are not only hideous, but outrageously expensive.
4. Do you look for any excuse to miss a feis, including scheduling root canals and prostate exams even though you don’t need them?
5. Do you have nightmares of possessed wigs coming after you? All those curls … thousands of pounds of curls … curls wrapped so tight they could be used as springs on the rear end of your ¾ ton truck … attacking you, smothering you, feasting on your scalp … uh, you get the picture.
6. Are you going deaf after the endless hours of hard shoe practice on the wooden dance floor you set up in what used to be your office?
7. Do all of your vacations (which used to be associated with having fun) now correlate with feis’ located from Podunk, Iowa to Pudunk, Nebraska?
8. Does your eight-year-old daughter now put on more make up than Tammy Faye Baker and look about as bad?
9. Has your wife lost interest in every other topic in the world and all your current discussions relate to jigs and reels (not to be confused with talking about jugs and keels).
10. Have you ever been asked to leave a feis (thankfully) because your snoring has drowned out (thankfully) the accordion musician?
If you answered “yes” to at least one of these questions, you have FDS. If you answered “yes” to at least five questions, please seek professional psychiatric help. If you actually just answered more than five of the questions (doesn’t matter if you answered “yes” or “no” … just answering them is bad enough) you have terminal FDS.
But don’t worry.
There is help.
Join Feis Dad in making light of this difficult situation. There is strength in numbers. Laughter, while not a cure, can help alleviate some of the symptoms. So can a half a case of beer, but we’ll talk about the advantages of “feis drinking” later.
-- Feis dad
Welcome to feis dad
Hello, my name is Matt. I have a daughter ... no, make that two daughters ... who LOVE Irish Dance.
There. I admitted it. I’ve come clean.
It's the first step in recognizing I have a problem.
Did I say problem? Well, maybe that’s not quite right.
It’s more like a crisis of epic proportions.
If you’ve got a daughter in novice, prizewinner or championship, you know what I mean. Don’t worry, if you’re just starting this ride, you’ll find out soon enough.
If you don't know what a feis is. you're on the wrong blog. If you do know what a feis is and like it, you're on the wrong blog. If the thought of going to a feis makes you feel queasy, you're in the right place.
So, you're supposed to be here, now what?
Take a look at my first post, titled: Feis Dad Syndrome.
See if you've developed this terrible condition.
If you've got it, don't despair. There is help. I may not offer any right now, but don't lose hope, I'll get to it eventually.
Above all, I am looking forward to your comments, funny stories and helpful suggestions.
Thanks for joining me.
-- feis dad
There. I admitted it. I’ve come clean.
It's the first step in recognizing I have a problem.
Did I say problem? Well, maybe that’s not quite right.
It’s more like a crisis of epic proportions.
If you’ve got a daughter in novice, prizewinner or championship, you know what I mean. Don’t worry, if you’re just starting this ride, you’ll find out soon enough.
If you don't know what a feis is. you're on the wrong blog. If you do know what a feis is and like it, you're on the wrong blog. If the thought of going to a feis makes you feel queasy, you're in the right place.
So, you're supposed to be here, now what?
Take a look at my first post, titled: Feis Dad Syndrome.
See if you've developed this terrible condition.
If you've got it, don't despair. There is help. I may not offer any right now, but don't lose hope, I'll get to it eventually.
Above all, I am looking forward to your comments, funny stories and helpful suggestions.
Thanks for joining me.
-- feis dad
Blog Posts
The following are posts. Please read, laugh and comment.
-feis dad
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A serious message from feis dad about being a feis dad
This blog is not to be taken seriously. It’s meant to take a good-natured poke at how Irish Dance affects fathers (something many wives and daughters may not think about).
The reality of the situation is that most dads just don’t get the Irish Dance thing. It’s like asking our wives and daughters why they don’t throw high fives every time our favorite player hits a three-pointer in the playoffs.
I love my daughters, but I just can’t sit through twelve hours of accordion music at feis’ once a month. It is beyond me. And I truly believe that forcing me to do so would make me begin to resent their activity, which none of us want.
BUT, that doesn’t mean I don’t support our daughters in my own way.
That’s exactly what this blog is about. For good or bad, THIS is part of my support for them.
Some may say I’m not a good father if I don’t go to each and every performance or feis. But I believe both my daughters know I think what they are doing is important and good for them even though it’s hard for me to spell feis or oreach … orack … that big national feis thing.
My point in all of this is that although there are some things we just won’t do, I believe real feis dads need to ensure they:
Support their daughter’s (or son’s) love of Irish Dance.
Take interest in how they are doing.
Are excited when they perform well and move up.
Comfort them when they don’t.
Support their activity as much as we can within realistic financial and family obligations
Although we may not understand the specifics (like the difference is between a slip jig and a reel) we take an interest in the general idea
We tell our children we are proud of them every chance we get
Although we make light of some of the aspects of Irish Dance, they are never mean spirited or hurtful
We ensure that our children know what they are doing is important to us
Do what dads do best: build things—practice dance floors, sound systems, etc.
Take them to practices and performances when possible (even if it means missing part of the game, but maybe not if it’s the playoffs).
Again, this blog is not meant to be taken seriously.
No one is perfect. Not even feis dads. If you can’t laugh about it (or about yourself) then you’re missing out.
--feis dad
The reality of the situation is that most dads just don’t get the Irish Dance thing. It’s like asking our wives and daughters why they don’t throw high fives every time our favorite player hits a three-pointer in the playoffs.
I love my daughters, but I just can’t sit through twelve hours of accordion music at feis’ once a month. It is beyond me. And I truly believe that forcing me to do so would make me begin to resent their activity, which none of us want.
BUT, that doesn’t mean I don’t support our daughters in my own way.
That’s exactly what this blog is about. For good or bad, THIS is part of my support for them.
Some may say I’m not a good father if I don’t go to each and every performance or feis. But I believe both my daughters know I think what they are doing is important and good for them even though it’s hard for me to spell feis or oreach … orack … that big national feis thing.
My point in all of this is that although there are some things we just won’t do, I believe real feis dads need to ensure they:
Support their daughter’s (or son’s) love of Irish Dance.
Take interest in how they are doing.
Are excited when they perform well and move up.
Comfort them when they don’t.
Support their activity as much as we can within realistic financial and family obligations
Although we may not understand the specifics (like the difference is between a slip jig and a reel) we take an interest in the general idea
We tell our children we are proud of them every chance we get
Although we make light of some of the aspects of Irish Dance, they are never mean spirited or hurtful
We ensure that our children know what they are doing is important to us
Do what dads do best: build things—practice dance floors, sound systems, etc.
Take them to practices and performances when possible (even if it means missing part of the game, but maybe not if it’s the playoffs).
Again, this blog is not meant to be taken seriously.
No one is perfect. Not even feis dads. If you can’t laugh about it (or about yourself) then you’re missing out.
--feis dad
14 comments:
Amen! Fies drinkging is the one thing that makes the accordian music tolerable. As far as the wigs are concerned, they keep your beer colder on a nice hot day.
Aha! Now you know why the Welsh don't mess with a Ceilidh... we just drink till the music sounds good. ;-)
Pob lwc! (Good luck)
~Jude
So true!! My daughter is from Tir O'Collona (is that spelled right?) AZ. Where are you from?
Hank
Did you mean Tir Connail from Tucson and Phoenix? My daughters dance with Maguire in Tucson.
After spending 10 hours at a feis yesterday with his 3 daughters, my husband most likely has golf games scheduled every weekend for the next 5 years.
I have been living with FDS for the past 10 years. There is light at the end of the tunnel! After august "08" my daughter will be out of school and working. The money will be coming out of her pocket at that point. My wife and I are going to celebrate this by spending 3 weeks in Ireland by ourselves.
Hi Matt
Love your post! But you have to admit there is nothing prettier than a freckle faced girl with a pile of red haired curls!!!
And five days a week of accordian music pretty much deafens you to it and you no longer hear it:)
Matt - this does hit home. There are all kinds of symptoms for FDS that you haven't even gotten to yet. One such symptom is that you recognize the names of other Irish dance schools :-). I did notice that you spelled Tir Conaill incorrectly. Here are some other symptoms: You help your wife and daughter when they compare solo dresses and even suggest that perhaps a brand new, custom-made $3000 dress would be a better investment than a used $1500 dress; You start to intelligently discuss the different types of hard shoes, and encourage your daughter to custom order them from England; You build tremendous display cases to hold all of the medals and trophies your daughter receives; you agree with your wife that the "new" dress bag/shoe bag/wig bag is much better than the last one, and can even spot the improvements on your own; you think that 8 wigs is certainly not too many for your daughter to have, and make suggestions on the next wig she will be needing. Yes, FDS is a nasty affliction, and the only cure I know is to get your daughter to grow up. On the other hand, we really don't want them to grow up, so what is a dad to do?
Doug
Thanks for all your support, comments and ideas! Stay tuned for the next post "How did I ever get myself into this?" coming later this week!
--feis dad
Thank you! I thought i was alone. I no longer have to hide in my garage mumbling to myself.
Maguire is taking over my daughters group here in Dallas, so in a way will be brothers in arms.
I have been knee deep in it for only a couple of years now and have not figured out one thing, where is the beer? It's an Irish thing right. So what if most of the events happen at 8:30 - 9:00 in the moring? They could set up a little stand with some ham and eggs, good stout beer, maybe a little whiskey. That would ease the pain or at least drown out the accordion and the tapping.
Great blog, Matt! Personally, I do not have FDS, but I do have a closely related condition called TCRG Husband. Some of you may be thinking "Hey, that doesn't sound so bad! Half of my checks seem to be written to your wife!" Except that all this goes straight to rent. Or she's hiding money from me . . . . hmmmm, maybe I need to look into this/.
My affliction, although more rare, does have some exaggerated symptoms. Like having memorized most of the traditional set dance songs. At one point, I knew them all. Sometimes I wonder how many pints of Guinness it would take to remove all of them from memory. Well, I guess there's only one way to find out!
See you guys at the Irvine fair this weekend.
It should be "Feis Parent Syndrome"
I'm a Feis Mom of 2 dancing boys. Do they grow out of it? Sorry to say if they love it they may take a break but they always return. About 4 years ago both my boys hung up their shoes. The older one put away his dream of being a TCRG. Now at 21 and 18 both have returned to dance. Yes the older has gone back to studing for the exam and the younger has never looked better. Hmmm, Now where did I leave my ipod...
hey - please don't put us mom's all in a box together! This mom is gonna help bdwofford open the whiskey bar at 8:30am.
Note to bdwofford: when you get to an oireachtas, drop your kid off at her competition room and then join me at the bar for the rest of the weekend. It's the only way to go!
signed,
Don't Call Me A Feis Mom
hmm, thanks. after reading, this DD just feels so loved!!
You know its not easy for us when feis dad doesn't even know your eighthand partner, your set dance, or even when your going to be gone for a week for NAN's-- but he can remember every single person on your brothers drumline team, concert band, etc...
will go to 5 buddy rich concerts, but won't even go with you to riverdance.
i guess you don't have to love Irish dance, accordion music or whatever, but you can be supportive of all your kids, not just the one in foot ball or soccer, or w/e. Because it hurts us too when you win in prelims, you come home to where your dad is watching a football game, and you have to wait until a commercial to tell him.
:P
peace.
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