Last month we discussed how your wife, daughter, the local dance studio and a gaggle of high level CIA agents coerced you into allowing your daughter to take Irish dance lessons. This month, let’s discuss how to get out of it.
You can’t.
End of article. End of life as you know it.
Don’t believe me? Talk to some of the veteran feis dads that have been around for years. You know the ones. They all have hollowed eyes, empty wallets and wear noise canceling earphones. And each one will tell you the same thing. Once the Irish dance bug has bitten, there’s no going back.
Upon performing her first treble, your daughter’s DNA was irrevocably changed. Thankfully, due to tremendous advances in medical technology in recent years, researchers have been able to map the DNA sequence of Irish dancers. All of which have curious … uh, abnormalities … within their DNA, as shown below.
You can’t.
End of article. End of life as you know it.
Don’t believe me? Talk to some of the veteran feis dads that have been around for years. You know the ones. They all have hollowed eyes, empty wallets and wear noise canceling earphones. And each one will tell you the same thing. Once the Irish dance bug has bitten, there’s no going back.
Upon performing her first treble, your daughter’s DNA was irrevocably changed. Thankfully, due to tremendous advances in medical technology in recent years, researchers have been able to map the DNA sequence of Irish dancers. All of which have curious … uh, abnormalities … within their DNA, as shown below.
Given all this irrefutable medical evidence, many of you may just want to give up. Surrender to a higher power.
“But wait,” I ask. “Are you a man, a feis dad or a mouse?”
Squeak. Squeak.
“Come on! We can’t just give up?” I say, pounding my fist on my computer desk. “Tidfgser wwwwwweee casms ppeeessreve …”
Sorry, I’m now typing with a bandaged hand due to my forceful desk pounding. What I meant to say is, “Together we can persevere. We can overcome. We can …”
No … actually, I don’t think we can.
Other than hoping for terminal accordion failure, about all we can do to make our situation bearable is consume liberal amounts of alcohol.
Which, now that I think about it, can be a lot more fun than all of that persevering and overcoming.
--feis dad
“But wait,” I ask. “Are you a man, a feis dad or a mouse?”
Squeak. Squeak.
“Come on! We can’t just give up?” I say, pounding my fist on my computer desk. “Tidfgser wwwwwweee casms ppeeessreve …”
Sorry, I’m now typing with a bandaged hand due to my forceful desk pounding. What I meant to say is, “Together we can persevere. We can overcome. We can …”
No … actually, I don’t think we can.
Other than hoping for terminal accordion failure, about all we can do to make our situation bearable is consume liberal amounts of alcohol.
Which, now that I think about it, can be a lot more fun than all of that persevering and overcoming.
--feis dad
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